Wake Up
by writhen heart
Summary: "Sirius knows he's not an easy person to live with, but he tries his best. It never feels like enough." Muggle!AU. Character death. Inspired by Maroon 5's Wake Up Call.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Harry Potter.

**Warnings:** Character death, dark themes.

**A/N:** So I've wanted to write something for Maroon 5's _Wake Up Call_ for ages, but I never had a solid idea for it until the amazing and muchly gorgeous ad-i, aka adVENTitiious said she wanted to write for it too. And then I was like, we should both write for it. So we have, yay! Please go check out hers, which is called _Taking Love_. Siriusly, go now, it's freaking fantastic.

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><p><strong>...<strong>

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><p>The glass shards coat the carpet like freshly fallen snow. It's a bed of glitter, streaked red. The light dances in his eyes, and he can't stay awake anymore…<p>

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><p>He catches sight of <strong>him<strong> in the microwave door reflection. The slightly distorted face smirks at Remus's back, as the sandy haired man bends down to pick vegetables out of the fridge crisper, and Sirius's chest constricts. Without turning around, he watches his frozen meal defrost, spinning tauntingly slow. As the seconds count down, it gets harder and harder to breathe, because now they're smiling at each other, and why doesn't Remus smile at Sirius like that?

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><p>They're sitting on the couch and Sirius should be happy. They've just watched a movie, and his stomach is still sore from laughing, and he and Remus are close enough that their knees are touching.<p>

But then as they're talking quietly, the ceiling fan humming in the background, he stares into the empty, black television screen, and sees **his** hand slide onto Remus's. Remus threads their fingers together and Sirius swallows, feeling like a slimy reptile is trying to crawl up the passages of his throat. The room is too small for the three of them.

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><p><strong>He<strong> knows what **he**'s doing. **He**'s always been jealous of what Sirius and Remus have. Sirius is scared of **him**. **He** always has a hungry gleam in his eyes, and a wicked grin, looking like **he** could break in and steal what is Sirius's at any moment. Unless **he** is angry. Then **he** _burns_ acrid and smouldering and Sirius freezes, willing him to leave, to just go, they don't _need_ **him**.

But Sirius can see why Remus might like **him** - might prefer **him** over Sirius himself. **He** is stronger, cleverer, bolder. So he guards Remus as best as he can, because Remus doesn't always know what's good for him, but Sirius does. **He** is dangerous, and Sirius will protect him.

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><p>Remus says he wants Sirius. But not yet. What is he waiting for? Sirius wants to ask, but he doesn't want to push Remus if he's not ready. He can be as patient as Remus needs. And Sirius is fine. They have been living together for two months, and he is so lucky to see Remus first thing every morning, and last thing every night, and make him breakfast, and leave him chocolates to find around the house. And do the cleaning, and pay the bills, and do whatever else Remus asks (except one thing), because he means everything.<p>

He wants Remus to be happy. But he's not sure if he is. He always seems to just miss direct eye contact, so that it feels like he's looking at Sirius's tear stained cheeks, or tangled hair, or scratched neck instead. Sirius knows he's not an easy person to live with, but he tries his best. It never feels like enough.

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><p>Whispers drift through the half open bedroom door, and Sirius catches "Can't do this anymore"… "Too hard"… "Has to go". He lies rigidly under the blankets, teeth gritted, hands clenched, as if he can squeeze the words right out of existence. His breath circles hot around his face, sounding loud in the confines of his sheet cocoon.<p>

He can't leave. He'll do what Remus asks. He will. **He** can't stop him.

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><p><strong>He<strong> knows what Sirius has done. And **he** doesn't take kindly to betrayal. Sirius is sleeping soundly tonight, the bastard. So **he** sneaks out of their room and slips into Remus's. The man is sitting with the pillows against the headboard, book propped up on his knees. He looks at **him** wearily.

"I told you –"

"I took them, didn't I?" **He** whispers, sauntering over to the bed. "Please, Remus. I've waited so long. It'll be good, I promise."

**He** feels his skin prickle with anticipation as Remus's eyes rake over **him**. **He** knows **he** looks good tonight. White singlet riding up his abdominals, blue satin boxers shining like gift wrapping, long hair cascading like a waterfall over his broad shoulders. Irresistible. **He** walks his hands over the mattress, up towards Remus's legs, sucking his lips slowly, practically tasting the tension hanging in the air. Remus slides his book onto the side table.

"It's just, I want to make sure that you're –"

"I'm fine," **he** interrupts shortly. **He** peels back the duvet and reaches to stroke down Remus's chest, feeling a pinpricking thrill dance through his palm.

"I think we should wait until –"

**He** cuts of the breathy protest with a needy kiss. "Now."

**He** licks down Remus's neck, feeling the man's allegro pulse jump with his touch. Remus exhales tightly. "Okay.

It is as good as **he** promised, and better again. **He**'s so high right now that he doesn't even resent when Remus cries Sirius's name.

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><p>Sirius wakes with a start, as though jolted by a siren, but all is quiet. He sits up shakily, his legs like bendy straws, unable to support his weight. Something is wrong.<p>

Remus's door. _Remus's_ door. Ajar. He stands and stumbles over to shut it. There is a creak from the bed and he circles over slowly. Leans in. _Remus_… He looks up at the closet with the sliding mirrored doors. _No_.

**He** smiles a vicious smile and kisses Remus's forehead. Remus wraps a hand around **his** neck and kisses back, eyes still closed.

"Love you," he mumbles.

Sirius pulls away and backs out of the room. Remus's bedroom. Hallway. Kitchen. Hallway. Remus's bedroom. **He**'s standing, glaring defiantly.

"What do you think you're doing?" **he** hisses.

"Remus is mine."

**He** rolls his eyes. "He doesn't want you. You're weak. Pathetic. He _loves_ me."

Sirius walks around the bed, so that they're only a few feet apart. "Don't say that."

"_I_ don't have to. Remus said it himself. You heard him. Has he ever told _you_ that? Has he ever looked _you_ in the eye? Has he ever gripped _you_ tight and fucked you like he means it?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Sirius?"

"I'll kill you."

**He** is laughing and it makes Sirius sick, sick, sick.

"Sirius, stop it!" Remus scrambles out of bed, but Sirius moves first.

He lunges at **him**, slamming the knife into his shuddering chest.

The mirror shatters with a deafening crash. But **he** is still there, laughing and laughing, and **he** won't _stop_. Remus tries to rip the knife off him, and he is strong, but Sirius is stronger, fuelled by his hatred and all-encompassing to desire to kill **him**. They pull and shove, both scratched, and Sirius's hands are slippery from the blood.

"Let go! LET GO!"

**He** tries to turn the blade on Remus and **he** is stronger. **He**'s always been stronger. But Sirius won't let **him** win this time. He throws Remus back onto the bed and stabs **him** in the chest. **He**'s not laughing anymore. They can't breathe. Sirius hits the ground hard. Remus is screaming. It should be louder, but it's fading, everything's fading. He can read his lips though, and he's saying _Sirius's_ name. Other words too, but he can't focus properly, so he pretends they're: "I love you. I love you Sirius, for you, not **him**." The ground is shimmery and hypnotic behind Remus's crouched form, the morning sunshine reflecting off the glass. It blurs, like the glare of sun on rippling water and Sirius sinks into it. Everything is white. Never black again.

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><p>Remus hesitated when James suggested it. He knew he could persuade Sirius better than anyone else, and he couldn't resent James for wanting to keep his new baby safe. Peter couldn't look after a goldfish, let alone a person. And Remus loved Sirius. So he would try his best, and hope it was enough.<p>

They moved into their apartment, and Sirius seemed content for the most part. He didn't need much help with the practical things once Remus gave him a little direction. But Remus could never leave him alone. He had made that mistake once, for something as stupid as picking up the milk he'd forgotten.

"I'll be back in a minute," he told Sirius. The corner shop was just down the road. He left him sitting on the couch.

He was gone when Remus returned.

"Sirius?"

Remus dropped the shopping bag and strode through the rooms. The kitchen was empty, so were both their bedrooms, and the hallway, and the bath-

Sirius was pacing in the bathroom, clawing at his neck.

"Go away, go away," he hissed.

"Sirius, what's wrong?"

Sirius looked up at him, eyes wide. "He's following me, Remus. Make him go away."

Remus nodded and held out his hand. "I will. It's okay. Come with me."

Sirius took his hand and let Remus lead him to sit in the kitchen. But when he pulled out Sirius's medication, Sirius sprung up. "No."

"It will help. Trust me."

"He'll get angry with me, Remus, don't make me. Don't make me, please."

Remus swallowed, the bottle feeling heavy in his grasp. "You have to, Sirius. I can't… We can't be together until you're better."

Sirius shook his head, backing into the counter.

It was alright most of the time. But the bad times were really bad. Times when Sirius wouldn't listen to him, bent on cutting the **Black** out of himself. Remus called James, telling him Sirius would be better off in hospital. James was upset, but he agreed it was for the best. Remus was going to take him that day, but Sirius miraculously offered to take his meds before he got the chance.

Remus shouldn't have let himself believe that they would work so quickly, but he did. He wanted so badly for Sirius to be okay. He should have known better.

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><p>…He can't look away from Sirius, can't move. He clings to the blood soaked singlet, screaming for him to wake up.<p>

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><p><strong>AN:** I love reviews more than chocolate.


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